The "Mayor" of Spite Town

Mon 30 April 2018 By Wos  | Category : in-character

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Spite Town

An interview with Bernard Warbly

Wos: Do you consider yourself the mayor of Spite Town?

Bernard: "The mayor of Spite Town!?" That's a bit of a stretch. I just wanted my neighbors to quit messin' with my lawn.

Wos: I've never heard of people intentionally ruining their neighbor's lawn before.

Bernard: It's the purple grass. They said I was trying to ruin their lawn, I say they were trying to ruin mine.

Wos: How does that work?

Bernard: When the purple grass turned up, a lot of folks called it an "invasive species" just because it showed up around the same time as that space-ship thing. You know, with the giant mushrooms and whatnot.

Wos: It came in with the Enterprise.

Bernard: Sure, that's the one. Anyway, folks kept trying to get rid of the purple grass from their lawns. At first I just wanted to leave it alone. I mean, I kept things mowed and all, but who cares what color the grass is, right?

Wos: Some people are worried about it's effects on ...

Bernard: It is what it is. Anyway I didn't care, but then the neighborhood busy-body showed up on my door.

Wos: The neighborhood ...

Bernard: Busy body! .. and a right pain in the patoote. Pretty soon I was up to my neck with folks telling me if I didn't do all kinds of extra work to keep the purple grass of my lawn they'd sue me this way and fight me that. God forbid even a single blade pass from my lawn to their perfect sea of green. When they wasn't fixin' to sue me, some of 'em had the gall to try sneaking around my yard laying out plant poisons and whatnot.

Wos: So - you got rid of all the green grass.

Bernard: That's about the size of it. Folks want to mess with my lawn, but I got as much right as anyone... !

Wos: A lot of people actually moved away. Some of them are afraid the grass is bad for kids ...

Bernard: Not my problem. Folks done pissed me off. Anyone don't like the purple grass can take one look at my house and know they need to go on somewhere else.

Wos: I see. Thanks for the chat.

Bernard: You take care now.

End interview

Bernard's place is on Undercore, near (-5, 23, 963). Can you imagine what kind of town that would turn into if everyone built a little spite into their home?